I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I need to stop coming to work sober
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
