Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
