Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
