he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
