Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just cropdusted the office
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
