HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
