So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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