just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
