I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You need Xanax blowdarts
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
