Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
