Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
