maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up under a house in Key West
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
