We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
