The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
