i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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