my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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