how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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