My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
