i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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