things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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