Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
