i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize