Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
