so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
