Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish I only lived at night.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize