And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
