dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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