Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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