You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
