Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
