Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
