we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize