just tell him i said nine months
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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