making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
