Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
