Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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