She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
