I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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