Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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