at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
