We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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