The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i will never coherently bang her
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What a dumb baby whore.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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