If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
