The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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