Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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