some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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