It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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