She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize