what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
