if you like me you must not know who I am
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize