I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
