im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
