if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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