His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
