i wish starbucks made bloody marys
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
