Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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