You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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