Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
