Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my being single is dangerous.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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