There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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