dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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