Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
