I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
