Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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